Many people are dissatisfied with where they are in their lives, but, when asked what it is they want instead, have a hard time articulating a response. The art of creating a clear vision is an important one. When someone comes to me for my advice on life, career, etc. and seems to be struggling with a sense of direction, I only half-jokingly ask them “How can the universe give you what you want unless it knows what it is?” So I thought I’d spend a little time summarizing some of the best approaches I’ve run across for clarifying the path.
I am starting with the assumption that each of us has unique gifts and talents, and that part of our job in the world is to figure out what those are and put them into service. This allows us to align our own best interests with those of the world and the people around us.
1. Keep a journal. There’s nothing that pushes you to distill your thoughts more effectively than trying to put them in writing. To keep a journal, you need pen, paper, and time. If you can set aside a regular time (daily, weekly, etc.) it seems to work better. You don’t need to do anything special; just write whatever comes up, focus on a specific question…whatever seems most helpful. One thing I sometimes do when I’ve got a particular question in front of me is to invite my “inner wise woman” to write me a letter. She starts, “Dear Linda…” and goes on from there. It turns out that she’s pretty wise, compassionate, and insightful, but she doesn’t pull any punches either in telling me things I need to hear. In the book The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron suggests writing “morning pages,” a daily exercise that calls for you to fill three pages with whatever is at the top of your mind, even if it seems like a bunch of garbage. The point in this exercise is not to go back and look at the pages over time, as you might do with a more traditional journal, but just to get whatever’s in your head down on paper every day. Although it doesn’t seem like this kind of writing would be very helpful in clarifying your focus, when you do it regularly the important things are themes that will continue to show up. There are a ton of good books out there on journaling, but in my opinion you’re better off using the time to write instead of read.
2. Create a picture. Get a piece of poster board, some scissors, a glue stick, and a pile of magazines. Sift through the magazines, find things that appeal to you–pictures, phrases, etc.–and cut them out. Don’t think too hard.
Lay out your clippings on the board in an arrangement that pleases you, then glue them on. Yes, it feels a bit like something you’d do in kindergarten…that’s half the fun, and not nearly as messy as finger-painting. Now look at what you’ve created, and see what it tells you about what’s important to you and what you might like to have more of in your life. This one’s even more fun if you do it with a friend, so you can tell each other stories about what your collages mean. When you’re through, put the poster up where you’ll see it so you can keep the vision in front of you.
3. Listen to your body. One of my favorite books for direction-finding is Martha Beck’s Finding Your Own North Star. She has an exercise in there that I love, which takes you through the process of creating a mental/emotional picture of a situation that embodies everything that resonates with and nurtures you, and a second picture of everything that irritates you and shuts you down. As you hold each of these images in mind, the goal is to notice how your body is responding. What do you feel like, in your gut and your chest and the rest of you, when your body is saying YES? What do you feel like when your body is saying NO? As you learn to discern these signals you send to yourself, you can start playing the “hot and cold” game you used to play as a kid. As you feel your body relaxing and opening up, you know you’re getting closer to where you need to be. If you feel that knotting tension, you know you need to step back and reconsider.
4. Use a guide. Other people can be wonderful sounding boards, but only if they are able to completely separate their own agenda from yours. Counselors, therapists, and coaches are all skilled at keeping the focus on you. Spouses, siblings, and friends are sometimes able to do this, but may have a tendency to give advice rather than to help you draw the answers out of yourself. The professional guides typically charge a fee for their services, but it’s often worth investing some money in a focused series of sessions aimed at clarifying your path. I worked with a coach a few years back when I was facing a major fork in the road, and it really helped. I haven’t felt the need to do it since, but would be very open to another round if the circumstances were right. As a side note, if you are interested in learning to be a better guide and sounding board for others, but aren’t a professional helper and don’t plan to become one, there’s a great little book called Becoming Naturally Therapeutic that talks about 10 skills (empathy, self-disclosure, respect, etc.) anyone can develop to become more helpful.
5. Tell a story or two. Another technique I find really helpful in “visioning” is to write a story from the future. That is, I write a scenario set in the future, and written in the present tense (as though I’m already there) describing what I’m doing, how I’m spending my time, what kinds of things are happening, etc. Once I have it down on paper, it’s a lot easier to see what I need to be doing to get there. A twist on this, if you are trying to decide between two or more paths, is to write a story for each path. I did this once, and it was immediately obvious to me which future was the one my heart truly desired.
Why is it important to create a clear vision? Well, some people say it sets mystical, universal forces in motion (the “law of attraction”) that bring us what we envision. Scientists explain it in much more down-to-earth terms–the simple act of setting goals and intentions changes how we perceive and interact with the world, so that we naturally pay greater attention to things that are relevant to our desired outcomes, and our actions are naturally congruent with those required to achieve our aspirations. Who’s right? Who cares? The mystics and the scientists agree, and that’s good enough for me!